The State I’m In
Words and Music by Benny Mann
February 1999

This song was written in the late winter of 1999 after my return to Hamilton College in Upstate NY, from Washington D.C. It is my first completed effort that has survived the test of time.

The background for the work rises from the fact that there was probably snow falling outside my window at DKE dormitory hastening my yearning to be somewhere warm and sandy. I also remember the desire to try acting out the persona of an imagined character so I dressed myself in the skin of an individual wrapped up in a bacchanalian lifestyle from which there was little chance for escape. This was easier than might be expected, given my exploits with the Hamilton rugby team at the time.

I imagined myself waking up, hungover, face down, on a sandy beach to the rousing chorus of ocean breakers.

...I have not yet done this personally, but, I assure you, it is on my list of “to dos”. I am only somewhat content with the imagined memory provided by this tune.

In this song I worked with a personality in conflict; a man possibly addicted to his lifestyle, for better or for worse, and simultaneously in love with a woman who doesn’t necessarily fit into that environment or persona. While contemplating the details and extent of this love, I discovered a certain amount of fascination with the intoxicating effects of each component of the problem. I decided that in the end the main character would (by choice or, more likely, the inability to choose) fall back on the comfort of his known existence, knowing well its limited and tenuous nature, rather than rise to the challenge of a shared and more redeeming, though dangerous, reality.

This song was not really developed from any specific experience. It is simply a recurring, vivid daydream, I still enjoy living out in performance.